Sex is dead. So stop fucking around.

Taking a moments break here from the awards to point y'all to an English post at Swedish ad-community Bold.se written by Magnus Jakobsson a copywriter at Saatchi & Saatchi.

Text: Magnus Jakobsson, Copywriter, Saatchi & Saatchi.

Jerry Seinfeld once said: There´s good naked. And then there´s bad naked. A saying that goes for advertising as well. Good naked is basically just naked. And if you think naked is wrong, you need to get your head checked. Seriously, get your head checked immediately.

Bad naked on the other hand, is when good naked is exploited. The self proclaimed master of bad naked is photographer Terry Richardsson, always trying to provoke us with his ever so boring Sisley-ads; advertising that tries so hard to provoke us it´s bound to fail. Advertising that just screams: LOOK, A TEEN-RAPE IS BEING PORTRAYED HERE! ISN´T IT TERRIBLE!? Advertising that isn´t actually advertising anything else but controversy itself. Sure, it causes a strong reaction, but only that of disgust. The provocation itself is so provocative it makes the brand disappear into a deep brown fog. Yeah, but all publicity is good publicity, someone said. Sorry to be the one to tell you, but rape can never sell shoes. Rape sells rape, and that´s it. Yes, you will make it in editorials around the world after your full spread glossy-campaign featuring staged rape, fake pedophiles and real exploited teens being photographed with pigs by pigs. But will it sell any clothes? No, but it will forever connect your brand to the extreme badwill of the above. Bad naked – advertising is the exact opposite of creative advertising. It has no idea other than to provoke.

Foto: privat.

However, good naked or bad naked, it´s all uncreative and utterly boring. It´s just naked, for christ sake. Can we get on with it? We´re all adults here. We´ve all seen naked before. Let´s move on. Let´s try to find new ways to provoke the consumer. How hard can it possibly be? Sex is boring. We´ve seen it all. And all boundries have been broken and shattered along the way. What can possibly be next? Elephant-rape? Sex toys for kids? Gimme a break. What are you? A fifteen year old virgin? Get a grip. So, just to get you started, here´s a short guide to really be provoking in 2006.

• 1. Give a poor family loads of cash. If you can provoke badwill you can certainly provoke goodwill as well. So, let´s give a poor family 5 million Euro. No strings attached. Other families will be totally provoked, since they didn´t get anything, but the brand connected to the giant giveaway will forever be the brand that A/Helps poor people. B/Can offer you a new life. In short: Got 5 million Euro to spend on advertising? Give it away.
• 2. Kidnap your boss. Kidnap the ”big boss” of some hotshot company. Then film him while being kidnapped, all bound up and forced to eat soup through a straw (or whatever kidnapped people do). Your demands? That he will lower the price of whatever product he´s the representative of, AND that he will increase the quality of the same. Viewers can call in and vote on what needs to be fixed. When they´re all happy and ready to buy, release your boss. Voilá, a series of groundbreaking ads that are so provoking that they will actually change the consumers behaviour, and make them feel sorry for the ”big bad boss”. There´s no trip like the guilt trip.
• 3. Dress the third world. Ok, we´ve all seen naked and various forms of naked. And we´re totally over it. So let´s dress the third world. Give new clothes to needy people around the globe. And I mean new fashion, not some old t-shirt your dad wore in 1973. The third world should be so well dressed it makes Karl Lagerfeldt look like an outdated bum. All ads are of real people in, let´s say Bangladesh, wearing the latest cat-walk-shit.
• 4. Start your own country. A few nutters have done it already, but no company has. Why? What could be better than to brand an entire country? Your logo up there on the flag, sponsored housing, shops that sell only ”the right brand”, kids who are brought up believing in your brand from day one. I don´t even have to go into it. It´s obviously the best idea ever on this planet. Cheerio.

Good luck provoking. And needless to say: Sex is dead. So stop fucking around.

Article originally published in https://www.theshowroom.se Showroom online magazine.