Indie rock novelist sums up advertising stupidity

Kidsleepy is a music geek, especially when it comes to the best thing to come out of Dayton since the Wright Brothers: Guided By Voices.

So how nice was it this morning to wake up and see a former GBV member, James Greer (also a Francophone, novelist and head of new band Détective ) wax uber-funny about our profession.

Greer watched the Capital One Bowl and decided to write about his impressions. Happily, his impressions had little to do with the game, and all to do with the commercials. You can read it all over at The Weeklings. And you should. In fact Greer's "Turnover City-- A Listicle" should be mandatory reading for all clients.

Some choice cuts on the list:

2. According to a comprehensive study of every car commercial aired during bowl week, many people receive cars as Christmas gifts. I’ve never known anyone who received a car as a Christmas gift. As presented in a series of variations on a theme by one particular brand, the choice is either an ugly scarf or a new car. If you give someone an ugly scarf they’ll tell you “Just what I wanted!” but their heart won’t be in it. On the other hand, if you give them an unfathomably expensive tricked-out new ride they’ll say “Just what I wanted!” and they’ll mean it. For a mere $20K or so, you can buy sincerity.

6. Everybody in America loves America unconditionally. Banks have something to do with servicemen and women coming home safely. Insurance companies help teach children to ride bikes, or think that teaching children to ride bikes is the summit of good parenting.

11. TD Ameritrade is a big fan of the films of Wes Anderson. But not of rocket science.*

12. Alec Baldwin’s talents are perhaps better used than hawking anytime/anywhere credit card miles for Capital One. Then again, he’s doubtless getting a sweet deal since Capital One has bought the entire week for branding purposes and Baldwin is, for the most part, the face of their brand. He does seem hell-bent on squandering the goodwill he’s banked on 30 Rock, however.

15. Insurance, banking, trucks, and Bud Light appear to be the four biggest businesses in America. Without these things life would be inert and colorless. And probably illegal.

Hey, dude? Are you available for focus groups? We could use you...

TD Ameritrade: "Karen & Jeremiah" 2012, USA